There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
