Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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