Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
