Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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