Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
