i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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