I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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