I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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