New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
