tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
