She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
