My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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