I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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