You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
