i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
