Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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