Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
