how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
