This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
