To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
