Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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