Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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