I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
