I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
