Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
