Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
