You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
