You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
