If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
