im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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