I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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