oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
