She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
