I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
