That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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