ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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