i can't believe i had my finger in that
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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