Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
