What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
