I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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