so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
