Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i dont even know how to be here
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
