Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
