How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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