Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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