I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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