I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
