It's like God shit irony all over that family
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My ass is underappreciated
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
