my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
