they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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