oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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