he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
