I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
