as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
