Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
