When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
