remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize