We should be called the Road Head Warriors
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
