I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
