I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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