I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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